'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

Let Go - Boys Like Girls

That song has probably been on repeat in many different periods of my life. It's my feel better/calm me down song. I don't like the original by Frou Frou quite as much. Anyway, unnecessary tangent aside, the title of this entry is my favorite line in the song. It's such a simple line, and yet it holds so much meaning. To be able to find good and purpose out of the bad times in my life is what keeps me moving forward.

Note to self: Do not forget to glorify Him in all that you do.

No Strings Attached

I am no longer your puppet. The strings have been cut, as they should have been long ago. You can't control me and my emotions any longer. I am my own person, flexing the muscles of newly found independence. I can finally breathe peace into my life.

I <3 California!

I finally have some time to blog about my trip in Cali. I'm staying in the Long Beach area, and the weather here is gorgeous! It's never scorching hot like it is in Houston. There's always this cool breeze, and then nights are chilly :) love it! Needless to say, I've been spending too much time at the local malls :( One day was spent driving to the beach....Laguna Beach!! haha, I really wanted to go there just to say I went there. The houses were HUGE and cars were definitely baller (pictures later to describe what I mean). The water is blue and the sand is white, as it should be. 

My past 2 days were spent in Vegas! :) That was a blast. One of my cousin's friends got us a free VIP suite! Seriously the nicest room I've ever stayed in. 2 huge beds, 2 bathrooms (with bath tub and stand in shower), living room with flat screens, dining table, 2 fridges. OMG. haha. I didn't gamble much. I played the slots and lost like $5 bucks and stopped there. Lol. The night was spent at 2 bar/lounges called Voodoo, and Revolution. Drinks cost an arm and a leg! I bought 2 shots and that cost me $25 including tip. Clubs closed at 4 a.m. and then we went to some hotel (I really don't remember) to get a steak and egg special for $5.99. Ridiculous. Crashed at 6:00 a.m. and woke up at noon for check out. Had lunch around Vegas and headed back...not without hitting up the outlet first. ;)

This was a much needed break from everything. If only I could live here. 

Tonight is one of those nights. All those bad feelings are trying to push their way to the surface. I can feel my  heart ache a little. No matter how successful I am at suppressing these feelings, they find their way out from time to time. Maybe it's because I'm listening to Leona Lewis. Damn you, Leona, and your melodies about reminiscing and old love! 

Now that that's been said... I'm pretty excited about leaving for Cali on Saturday. My first vacation in 3 years!! Granted, it'll probably be mostly family fun, but hey, at this point, i'll take any getaway I can get. It will likely be the highlight of my summer. That, and going back to Austin in July. My summer's been pretty full of major bumming. Mall bumming, movie bumming. Bumming at Barnes and Noble, dragging friends into the bumming...and now, back to more bumming :D 

Forgiveness

Due to recent tumultuous events in my life, I've taken a step back and reevaluated myself. I realized something. I harbor a lot of animosity and hate towards people who have recently wronged me and betrayed me in an inexcusable way. I know as a Christian, I'm called to forgive, but I can't lie to myself. I do not forgive these people. I do desire to; to purge this out of me, but I can't come to say it with my heart. I pray everyday that one day I'll be able to forgive them, and although my lips will say it, the words are meaningless. Sometimes I feel like this heartless person. Those are the moments where the hate consumes me and puts me in this frenzied state of rage, but I do not act on it. I know in the end, that I am better than that and them. I cherish relationships and being faithful to a person and promises; that's why I'm better. 

"Do not say, 'I'll pay you back for this wrong.' Wait for the Lord, and He will save you." 

Proverbs 20:22

Congrats Class of 2009

Graduations mark the end of another year. Yesterday, I went to my first UT graduation for my roommate, Candy. It was a nice way to end the year, regardless of the events that occurred. Now I'm ready to just bum around and hibernate my days away. I'm sure I'll get tired of that after a week. As for summer plans, my bumming will be done in Houston, and then 2 weeks in California. :) yay!!! I finally get to try In-N-Out Burger!! and shop at H&M!! Not even comparable to my friends that will be in Geneva, New York, China?! Possible bummage will occur in Austin here and there when I get really bored. I should find a job. Too bad our economy won't even provide me with a simple retail job. :( 

Btw, I'm currently blogging in a Panera Bread in Dallas. Dallas is boring. LOL. It's a more boring and suburbian version of Houston. Seriously....boonies. Bars here are lame too. I'm spoiled. 6th street provide a whole slew of bars free of cover. Here....$10-20 cover and the most whack crowd you could imagine. This iced coffee and bagel is gross. Time to go exploring....and finish this episode of my drama :) 

Multitasking

In my Family Resource Management class, we recently went over the topic of multitasking in the American society. Interestingly enough, multitasking is actually counterproductive. You would spend less time and be more thorough if you just did the 2 things separately. As my professor is lecturing, I'm thinking, "Nope, not me, I'm a great multitasker." Or so I thought until I discovered today that I can't walk and text at the same time. I stepped in a dead bird, and then tripped on a crack in the sidewalk immediately after.