RAWR

I am stressed. Actually, stressed is an understatement. I'm so anxious and all over the place I feel like I'm going to explode! Aside from the 3 exams that I'm about to have one day after the other, I've got hospital bills to worry about (and healing!), and financial aid/loan issues. I spent a good chunk of today just dealing with operators and voice machines. AHHHHHH, is that a new gray hair? AHHHHHH.

I've also concluded that our healthcare system SUCKS. Why are people against universal healthcare? stupid. Why do I pay a monthly premium for health insurance if it does nothing when I finally need it? stupid. Why can we fund a trillion dollar war but not better healthcare for everyone? stupid.

UT's finaid office is pretty ridiculous too. I was missing forms and that's the reason my loan hasn't been disbursed yet, but every single time I went to ask about it, I got, "Just wait, your funds should be coming shortly." I finally spoke to someone that was willing to give me more than 2 minutes of their time today to find out I've been missing forms since July. AWESOME. Thanks, guys. Thanks.

I'm done ranting. I'm gonna go cry in a corner now.

Recovery

I just had surgery to fix my inguinal hernia yesterday. Are you thinking, "Surgery?! WTF?!" It's ok, I didn't tell many people. Ok, so back to that. Not so bad...until I woke up. I don't remember anything pre-op. I just remember getting wheeled into a very cold, sterile operating room and freaking out a little. The nurses made a few silly jokes and the last thing I remember was laughing. Waking up, I felt soooo drowsy and a little nauseous. The nurse that watched over me in the recovery room was extremely sweet. She gave me Dr. Pepper and cinnamon raisin bread to ease the nausea. Yum! My dad drove up to Austin on Monday to be able to take care of me after surgery on Tuesday morning. This let me see a more caring/sensitive side to him that he rarely expresses. I must admit, I was reluctant to having him come at first but I'm glad he did. I probably would've starved yesterday if he hadn't woken me up for meals and brought them to my bed. A few friends came and visited me and I got phone calls and texts. It made me realize, I am truly blessed to have such amazing and caring people in my life. I'm slowly recovering. The site of the incision (2 inches) is really sore and tender. It's still really painful to walk and the pain meds make me dizzy and sleepy. I've probably already dozed off a few times while writing this, so excuse the incoherency.

Wheeling and Dealing

I currently have 2 new musical obsessions: Owl City, and The Spazmatics

Owl City is more electronic/pop and pretty mellow. Have a listen :)

The Spazmatics are an 80s cover band that I went to watch recently. They dress up in outfits that are meant to represent their bios that they have online. Ridiculously cute.

http://www.thespazmatics.net/bios/

Geoffrey is my bf....Kat is just third wheeling.

On a more personal note, most of you know that I'm constantly trying to better myself as a person and I'm never one to enjoy being static when it comes to growth. At the moment, I think I'm dealing with loneliness. Not an emo, I want to kill myself, type loneliness, but an, I can't bear to be alone with myself for too long, type loneliness. I think I've been realizing it more and more that after my break up months ago, I've coped by constantly surrounding myself with people or going out. I don't view this entirely negatively. I did form closer friendships and grounded myself in people that I'd really neglected. If anything, they were my support group; my sanity when I just wasn't. The going out thing got a little out of hand, though. I was definitely trying to make up for all those times where my former friend boy would restrict me from going out and would get angry if I didn't stay in. It just felt really nice to have that independence again, but after a while, I began feeling really lost and alone with where I was going. I see now that in all those times of quiet desperation when I finally had to face myself, I should've turned to God. Rather than filling in my empty hole with the companionship of others, I should have sought Him out and lessened my burden. For the longest time, I felt like He had given up hope on me, and so I did the same. So foolish. It's obvious to me now, and I've never been more optimistic about this path I'm taking towards finding me again.